ennairda

still don't feel like eating

thinking too much

being too tired

i saw something on tv today. everyone there has done something others have told them was impossible. these people went with their passion and became very successful.

i was wondering
so many have told me it's possible, and i'm still uncertain?

oh heck


it's day nine and i still have a lot more to go.

What I did today: spent a day being tired because i didn't sleep well. haven't done so since thursday.
the lock on the door was also cranky.
and the library people didn't return my call.

other than that i sort of gave up worrying at about 3pm and took a nap.

still moody, but i think i'm too tired now.

What I ate: three curry puffs, half a bag of chips.

What I'm up to now: updating this, watching the History of Singapore and very amused at what I remember from my history classes, doing the Leo for AS at the same time.

And yes i'm waiting for him to be online.

so i should go and wait now.


wait wait wait
why is everything about waiting?

i feel like saying 'what happened?' to the last 45 hours.

it's after the dreaded 'interview' thing and while i should sit back, relax and be happy, i'm just too tired and worried (for a reason or not).

i noticed yesterday that when i'm saying something, either it comes out differently or no one is listening to me. sometimes. i tend to think the latter because when i hear it come out correctly.

anyways.

actually i have nothing say really.
what happened?
i dunno.

but i can sleep in tomorrow for a bit.

hasn tmr.

- I'm suddenly hungry after seeing L's post on potato salad.
ok it's not really a post on potato salad but it started of with a sentence about potato salad.

- why do my Yahoo mails act funny? first it tells me that i should either 'Zurück zu Yahoo! Mail/Retour à Yahoo! Mail' or 'Sign out of Yahoo Completely'　なんでー？？？ 我明白可是你们别耍我好不好？ my brain is acting funny now.

- today i spent 2 hours walking around in Takashimaya. It was not frustrating - which is strange for me. But I guess it was good to breathe the outside air for abit. I returned the books, paid some bills, and bought some Kuromi stuff. I didn't find the cookie cutter or the rolling pin, so MiMo have no cookies to eat tomorrow. I also didn't find the 1L Visions stove-top thingy.

- i'm so tired but i want to finish that prep today. so at least i can have a day to look through it tomorrow.

- in the night when things are quieter than quiet, my brain is whirling with memories, ideas, and reminders.

- still don't feel like eating much. I think i'm getting the old mini appetite back. good. i've been eating so much i'm scaring myself.

wouldn't say I did anything today. a little like yesterday.
i guess a few hours passed faster today after going out and meeting nadege. she brought me some gifts of yarns from phildar. france and yarn is always good. she also gave me a nice photo frame with paw prints on it. it had a matching kitty key chain too!

apart from not feeling like doing work, i also didn't feel like eating today.

don't ask why because i really don't know.

reading a certain entry today made me wonder what was going on. nothing was really.

so don't read on if you have no time because it looks like a wordy post.

i always think everyone has their preferences, their own likes and dislikes. i say the same things to everyone including my parents, my brother and AS - 'no i don't like it and i think it's a waste of time/dumb/stupid/boring/ugly/etc. but that doesn't mean you would think the same.' why?
because something i like would be a waste of time/dumb/stupid/boring/ugly/etc. to someone else too. it would be very boring if everyone is the same innit. my point is i have no intention of influencing people simply because everyone has something to learn from everyone else. if someone asks me for an opinion, i would gladly give mine. but it's an opinion. no one is obliged to follow it. how would i know what's best.

(actually, ask God, He's good at answering all my questions)

which brings me to something that was bugging me for a bit awhile back.

no one knows what i'm doing.

no i mean, really.

there's a group of friends i know i'm starting to neglect. and i know there's a certain kind of personalities i would rather have nothing to do with. it sounds mean and honestly i feel bad about it because i've been associated with 'elitist' groups in different parts of my life, and i never thought i would one day consider others in a condescending way like this. but let's put it this way, some characters have nothing to do with my life anymore. (and if you like, do be assured because i know people who get to read this are not anywhere close to the i-have-nothing-to-say-to-you group.) things like that happen. people change, lives change, and your circle changes. because no one really knows what i'm doing except my sup and secondary sup, and no one really knows what this route is like, the circle is slowly getting smaller. unfortunately i've been feeling quite beat-up about it, simply because i would love to try, but my patience has its limits. and it's a very low one. so yes, i was all over the place about this.

now about what i'm doing, AS was telling me, a friend of his in a related field (for both of us, in a way) was asking him what my research was on. he said he didn't know what to say because he didn't know.

i gladly told him. and of course being a military man he gets what i'm saying. but being a military man he doesn't see it from the same point of view, to put simply.

now, at least he understands.

i'm very much blessed to be doing something that i've decided upon 8 years ago. not everyone gets to do that. a lot of times i'm the only girl/woman/non-male sitting in a group of my opposite sex, talking about things that i shouldn't be knowing much about. and yes, i don't spout a word, not even a peek, because it's 'unimportant'. no one listens to me anyways.

come on, what would i know?

anyone can talk to me about cats, dogs, hamsters, animal welfare, digital games, knitting a sock, yarn, pianos, flutes, the fine arts, france, japan, culture, languages, gadgets, stationery, books, boring thick books, movies, brad pitt, vodka, bon jovi, ayumi hamasaki, evanescence, literature, the theater, global warming, etc etc etc etc

but no. no ak47s, no fat man, no bradleys, no aegis, no ah64s. nooo

little ol' me wouldn't know anything about those... would i

let's just say that if this route is an uphill one, it's getting steep simply because i can bear children.

ok now all the ranting is over.
i'm sitting here feeling really ok, don't worry. i still like people. (other than the fact that screamy kids annoy me pretty often)

i guess i'm trying to come to terms with both issues. especially the second.
the confirmation exercise is coming up in three days. it's supposed to be a simple exercise, and all i have to do is to say what the research is all about, what i'm going to do next, and why it's great.

i am supposed to do fine - with assurance from the exams, as well as the sup and some of my teachers especially.

but no there's always this nagging thought, this nagging question 'what makes you think you're good enough for this?'

(oh and 'can you falsify your argument?' - i can't!!!!)

my head is full of rubbish and i can't make sense of it. so i shall stop now.

and please don't worry, i'm fine, and i DO like you a lot.

:)

ok I've been sick and coughing and sneezing and wheezing and having the most terrible time ever. But I'm almost back. (almost)


MangMang, Millie and Mollie went to the vet last friday (just a couple of hours into the cold, and a couple before the alleged cough) for their annual check up and vaccinations. (like babies yes - except they are quieter)

So a little update. Mang's ears are still the same... nothing much changed, but she's doing fine with absolutely perfect balance, no limping, no drooling, eats great and all. So. it's just her ears still. She needs to continue with her daily cleaning but was given some antibiotics incase of infection. Mang now weighs a healthy 6.3kg. Ahem. And she didn't flinch when she took the jab. :)

Millie and Mollie are doing good. They were both uncomfortable taking their temperatures (especially Mollie who attempted to sit in the process). But I've been thinking of starting them on the Heartworm prevention. So they had to take a blood test. Seeing their skinny arms being pierced is not fun for me - especially when Millie is looking very very sad and Mollie is flinching a little. Mollie - being the happiest dog in the world - still managed to try and kiss everyone though, so that was good. They are now on the Interceptor (sounds sci-fi) because Border Collies are allergic to the other one - i forget the name now.

And here they are the Yellow Band Brigade - a Yellow Band given for the bravery they had taking the blood test. hahaha

You scored as French/Spanish/OtherLanguage, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in a foreign language, especially French or Spanish as they have a greater use in today's world. But other languages could be useful to you as well, such as Chinese, Japanese, German, Italian, or many others. With a major in a foreign language you could teach, or work for a company as a translator or foreign correspondant. It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. A minor in a foriegn language is useful for ANY major. Also, business or political science are great minors for a foreign language major. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal. </td> French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 100% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 81% Visual&PerformingArts 75% English/Journalism/Comm 75% HR/BusinessManagement 69% Biology/Chemistry/Geology 63% Religion/Theology 63% Education/Counseling 63% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 63% Physics/Engineering/Computer 56% Psychology/Sociology 38% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 38% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 31% Mathematics/Statistics 6% WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

Coutesy of Cactusbeetroot

For those who do not know, I majored in Political Science and European Studies as an undergraduate. I missed English Literature terribly but had my doses in the USP. When the European Studies department ceased to exist as a department in my second year, a lot of time was spent on Political Science and especially in International Relations and Security Studies. I still had to do German (so that i can 'have another language to add on to Mandarin - which barely exists - and French in my resume' i'm told) though. After this hiatus, I streamed off to do Strategic Studies, and that's where I stil am right now.

I'm sick so i'm going to stop and leave my beloved computer. AAAACHooooo!!